PART I
Why does one have to study something one hates?Why are sexy clothes expensive?Why am i broke when i see sexy clothes?When will my fickle mind stop being fickle?Why dont parents give money for tattooes?Why do i hate people who love me and love those who give a shit?Why does mumbai hv the richest of rich and the poorest of poor, both blissful in their own worlds?And now that i agree they do, why does it hv to linger in my brain?How can people molest women, plant bombs in trains, spit paan on road?Why are eunuchs so scary?Why are most of them tamilians?Why is my silence mistaken for anger?When last did anyone enjoy engineering?Do we choose our parents?Does a parallel universe exist?How cool is heaven and how scary is hell?Will i ever become rich and not be feverish for more?Why is dope so inviting?Why is it that most nutritious vegetables are yuk to taste?How come i doubt the spelling of nutritious out of all spellings?Why are people so gung ho abt US of A?Is rebirth n past life for real?Why does one hv to get up in the morning?Why dont youngsters play in the evenings?Why is it uncool to meditate?What makes kyon ki saas bhi such a hit?Why dont men hv to wax their armpits?Why dont men hv to wax?When wil my height increase?When wil i figure wat exactly i wana build a career in?Are granma's mythological stories true?Will my friend's blind sister ever see again?Why is sex on my mind these days?How can i not be scared abt global warming when the headlines say 2050 will be our end?When did i last jump in a puddle wit a raincoat on?Why do all babies look angelic?When wil i sign my first autograph? Why do i feel that i wont fall if i sit on a cloud?
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Thursday, August 10, 2006
EXPERIMENT :- ST BUSES
AIM: To use ST bus and reach LP,Nerul bus stop at the earliest.
APPARATUS: ur stupid self, a dilapidated ST bus.. (ha! if u find a non dilapidated one, i owe u a treat.)
PROCEDURE:
1. Wait at busstop n let 5 overflowing ST buses go by.
2. Lose hope,climb the 6th which is as full if not fuller.Enter the world of stinky men/non men.
3. Stand like ur a wax model at Madam Tussads'.Try breathing.Buy ticket by passing ur money to conductor thru 13 humans infront/beside/behind/above/below/on u.
4. Enjoy the massage, let the sound of nuts n bolts n blowhorns rape ur ear drums,allow creatures to squash each of ur 10 toes.Try breathing.
5. Incase the bus reaches and thereafter stops wherever u wanna get off,n incase ur at 2cm distance from the door(the handle of which opens upwards mind u!huh),get off.Breathe.
THEORY:
ST buses can be divided broadly into dadar ones(ugly) n thane ones(uglier).thou similar on the whole in terms of filth,overcrowdedness,fetor....the thane one's rattle a bit more n comprise of mainly the lower strata of indian civilization while the dadar one is for the elite..both leave u stewed nonetheless.
Now, having experienced both kinds extensively,lemme share few happenings..
I have had fisherwoman drop fish water all around me..even pple who relish fish can puke when subjected to such aroma therapy,,,n me veggie also!!Ok ,u want worse? How about armpits of millworkers who cant even spell 'AXE' leave alone use it!..Once there were these 60 something men holding on to many many cans of kerosene..(well it was one of those lucky days when i managed to rest my ass on 3x3 sq.inch green sweaty seat)..and as per routine the bus jerked and lo behold..no points for guessing...the kerosene was all over my orange transluscent pant..the men had only blank stares to offer for such courtesy.Yeah! and i hv babysitted too...gawd!someone educate these pple abt contraceptives! Women tag along wit more kiddos (they come in all sizes) than fingers in their hand.and the baby on my lap made sure it strangled me wit the many chains i adorned..smartass!I hv had the privilege to sit in the cockpit,i.e the noisiest, sootiest area in the bus.By the end of it i was a deaf african.Haan , and more often than not, u can see the bumpy roads ur travelling on cos the bus ought to hv holes in its base,(lets say for ventilation),to live up to its name.
All said n done, kudos to these ST drivers,,,valor they possess i tell u,,,they are like men walking into a battlefield..gosh they wont stop even to mend a puncture! they'll drag their red n yellow injured pony n even whip it if need be !Whatever the holy mess,be it a bandh, a dirty accident, floods...Mr.ST bus wil wade thru wit unabated enthusiasm..(see i hv resorted to giving it human status also.so much for slick n cheap transportation.)
CONCLUSION:
To have experiences to die for...or actually die....use ST my dears..if not anything else..atleast it wil give u a reality check.(reach ur destination u will ..without doubt..but wit a twist..watever kind ..hehawhaw)
P.S.-Promises are meant to be broken they say..but i believe i kept mine (i made one in the last line of my last post ,duh!)......or did i?
APPARATUS: ur stupid self, a dilapidated ST bus.. (ha! if u find a non dilapidated one, i owe u a treat.)
PROCEDURE:
1. Wait at busstop n let 5 overflowing ST buses go by.
2. Lose hope,climb the 6th which is as full if not fuller.Enter the world of stinky men/non men.
3. Stand like ur a wax model at Madam Tussads'.Try breathing.Buy ticket by passing ur money to conductor thru 13 humans infront/beside/behind/above/below/on u.
4. Enjoy the massage, let the sound of nuts n bolts n blowhorns rape ur ear drums,allow creatures to squash each of ur 10 toes.Try breathing.
5. Incase the bus reaches and thereafter stops wherever u wanna get off,n incase ur at 2cm distance from the door(the handle of which opens upwards mind u!huh),get off.Breathe.
THEORY:
ST buses can be divided broadly into dadar ones(ugly) n thane ones(uglier).thou similar on the whole in terms of filth,overcrowdedness,fetor....the thane one's rattle a bit more n comprise of mainly the lower strata of indian civilization while the dadar one is for the elite..both leave u stewed nonetheless.
Now, having experienced both kinds extensively,lemme share few happenings..
I have had fisherwoman drop fish water all around me..even pple who relish fish can puke when subjected to such aroma therapy,,,n me veggie also!!Ok ,u want worse? How about armpits of millworkers who cant even spell 'AXE' leave alone use it!..Once there were these 60 something men holding on to many many cans of kerosene..(well it was one of those lucky days when i managed to rest my ass on 3x3 sq.inch green sweaty seat)..and as per routine the bus jerked and lo behold..no points for guessing...the kerosene was all over my orange transluscent pant..the men had only blank stares to offer for such courtesy.Yeah! and i hv babysitted too...gawd!someone educate these pple abt contraceptives! Women tag along wit more kiddos (they come in all sizes) than fingers in their hand.and the baby on my lap made sure it strangled me wit the many chains i adorned..smartass!I hv had the privilege to sit in the cockpit,i.e the noisiest, sootiest area in the bus.By the end of it i was a deaf african.Haan , and more often than not, u can see the bumpy roads ur travelling on cos the bus ought to hv holes in its base,(lets say for ventilation),to live up to its name.
All said n done, kudos to these ST drivers,,,valor they possess i tell u,,,they are like men walking into a battlefield..gosh they wont stop even to mend a puncture! they'll drag their red n yellow injured pony n even whip it if need be !Whatever the holy mess,be it a bandh, a dirty accident, floods...Mr.ST bus wil wade thru wit unabated enthusiasm..(see i hv resorted to giving it human status also.so much for slick n cheap transportation.)
CONCLUSION:
To have experiences to die for...or actually die....use ST my dears..if not anything else..atleast it wil give u a reality check.(reach ur destination u will ..without doubt..but wit a twist..watever kind ..hehawhaw)
P.S.-Promises are meant to be broken they say..but i believe i kept mine (i made one in the last line of my last post ,duh!)......or did i?
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